Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Happy Holidays: Craig Takes Over

Hi, all! Happy Holidays to you, Fellow Kinkster. As you've undoubtedly noticed, we haven't posted in a month and a half. Lizzie had finals that completely buried her because we she came with me on three separate week-long trips over the last semester plus went back to the midwest for a family medical issue—all of which put her substantially behind in the school work.

So for the time being, I'm taking over the blog. It's me, Craig. Every once in a while one of us takes and gives you a single—not two—point of view...and I'm all over it!

I know Lizzie has an amazing bottom. I noticed it the first time we played together that weekend at Shadow Lane so very long ago. Rod Stewart (showing my age) once sang, "Every Picture Tells a Story." So here are the stories that go with these delicious photos.

If you're a regular reader you know Lizzie and I travel a fair amount. One of her favorite things is to have a rather extreme scene the day before we fly anywhere so that when she sits on the plane she really feels it. Needless to say, I like this plan. Before heading out of town for Thanksgiving last week I chose to cane Lizzie with my absolutely favorite cane, dubbed Old Hickory. The results are obvious.
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While in the midst of our Thanksgiving trip I decided to keep Lizzie's sore bottom sore a little longer. On many trips I take my travel cane, a short 14" cane that fits perfectly in our luggage. I hope you enjoy the ladders as much as I enjoyed making them.
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Between Lizzie's classes, my work, my/our travel, and a seemingly unending cold that Lizzie's been suffering it's been difficult for us to play. So the other night I surprised Lizzie by pulling her across my lap for a little OTK. Alright, a lot of OTK. I'm very happy with how red her bottom is here and I also particularly like the angle and light on Lizzie.

So, gratuitous naughty photos and my blog take-over: done.
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Friday, November 18, 2016

Love Our Lurkers! A Half a Million Thank Yous!

We have Bonnie at http://bottomsmarts.blogspot.com to thank for Love Our Lurkers Day, and Hermione at http://hermionesheart.blogspot.com/ for taking it over. Every year we get a chance to thank you, our faithful readers, for hanging out, checking out our pics, and (hopefully) reading our words. This year marks the fourth anniversary of Black & Blue and, amazingly enough, our blog has reached 500,000 page views!

Here we are again. Seven years ago I said "thanks, lurkers!" for the first time on my original blog, Dark Musing. Man, a lot has happened since then, most notably the start of this blog that Lizzie and I have enjoyed making month after month for all of you.

As our intro states, we have had half a million page views. The counter clicked over to that number just a few days ago. We are always excited about the number of people that come and visit our site and are always fascinated by the statistics of where people are coming from, how long they stay, and what they read (or look at). (Yay, Google Analytics!)

But I'm a bit gobsmacked by the stat. 500,000 page views! Goodness, y'all. You're either eager to read our side-by-side views of the kink scene, our place in it, our experiences, and our D/s, or you simply love looking at Lizzie's smacked bottom. Either way, thanks.

Thanks to those of you who come for a few seconds just to perv on the latest bottom redness.

Thanks to you Fellow Kinksters who actually stay to read.

Thanks to few who actually comment.

But thanks most of all to our lurkers, who make up the majority of our traffic.

We strive to come up with original content—both in terms of our his/hers perspectives on things, but also in terms of new ideas for entertaining posts. We aren't a "diary blog" per-se. We consider our blog a "channel" and thus try to program it with stuff we know and hope you all will want to read and see.

So thanks! A half a million thanks to be exact!
We know that Lurkers make up the majority of our visitors. Of course, we’re thrilled that you’re here to take a look at our pictures and read the things we’ve written. And we’d love to hear from you - leave a comment or drop us a line by email or message on FetLife or Tumblr.

This year, “Love Our Lurkers” meets another milestone for us - half a million page views. Seeing such a statistic always leads me to Google Analytics, where I pour over the wealth of information provided and wonder about the people behind the numbers.

Google has added a feature that tracks the activity of individual users - while keeping them anonymous, of course. It’s fun to see the people who discover our blog and spend more than half an hour reading through old posts. It’s even more fun to see that some of those people return to read each time we post something new.

Seeing the number of people who stop in for less than 10 seconds on Thursday or Friday when we haven’t posted something new makes me feel bad. We’ve made a habit of posting on those days, so I’m sure they are coming back in hopes of finding something new. When we have a new post, they stay longer to read it. We do our best to keep up with posting, but it can be hard.

Thank you for stopping by - today and every other day. I hope you find something you’re looking for here: a fun picture, an interesting story, or the knowledge that there are other kinky folks out there.

And remember, we’d love to hear from you!

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Bi Serious

Lizzie is bi. Not "bi curious" or "casually bi." She's bi. With Bi Visibility Day on September 23 last month, we thought we'd share our thoughts on being bisexual.

(If you couldn’t guess, Craig wrote his side of this post to be posted for Bi Visibility Day. But Lizzie got caught up in a whirlwind of school and wasn’t able to write her side or post this until today.)

Needless to say, I'm not bi but I love a bi. She's not just playing around. She is as organically bisexual and those who are homosexual. Often people tease bisexuals: "Make up your mind!" "You're not bi, you're an opportunist!" I have been guilty of saying those things myself. But I can tell you this: Lizzie is not "wishful thinking bi."

So what of it? In the lifestyle we look at someone bi as a unicorn—the perfect playmate, partner, or whatever. It's a win/win for the guy, for sure. But what does it mean for the person who's bi? What do they have to deal with and what are their issues? If not a smorgasbord of sex, what is it?

I'd say to any parent who thinks they may have a bi child or if you have a bi friend trying to figure stuff out, first of all: your kid/friend is not an alien. It's not an issue of "confusion" any more than a homosexual is "confused" about not liking someone of the opposite sex. Homosexuality may be "mainstream" now (and we can argue both how mainstream and where mainstream) but is bi different?

Do you want your child/friend to be genuine? True to themselves? Then let them be who they are.

As for that bi individual: what makes them happy? With Lizzie, when we got together and decided we wanted to share our lives with each other I worried: would I be enough? Would she want a female partner as much as she wanted me? We talked a lot about it. She's content with a partner—someone who will take care of her and who she can take care of—but she does miss the company of another woman. Did she need both as partners? She thought long and hard about it and said, "no."

So we continue our days doing our lives, our D/s, and our friendships. I know she doesn't feel 100% content without some aspect of a woman in her life to fulfill that part of her, so she can be her genuine self. And as Bi Visibility Day passes us by, think about the bisexuals that might be in your life and don't assume they are "bi curious." Maybe they're bi.
As a bisexual woman with a heterosexual primary partner, it’s very easy to “pass” as straight. The importance of bi visibility has been on my mind recently as I’ve watched my niece navigate her own sexuality.

I am out to my family - they’ve met the girlfriends and the spanking partners, they know about the spanking parties and the kink events. But it’s not something I’ve felt the need to discuss in great detail or over every holiday dinner. My family is fairly conservative and I’ve never seen any reason to argue about the specifics of my own life. I prefer to discuss the intimate details of my life with, well, the people with whom I plan to get intimate. Or, obviously, the people who come to our blog looking for this perspective.

It occurred to me just how easily I passed when my niece was very tentatively edging around the topic of a girl she liked. I knew the topic was causing strife within her own family, but I hadn’t realized she might not know how open I was to the conversation.

I stopped her and said, “You know I’m not straight, right? I've had several girlfriends. Grandma even met a couple of them.”

My mother being the definition of traditional, my niece’s mind was understandably blown by this revelation. (She’d been too young at the time to take notice of any of these events personally.)

And I realized that maybe I’ve taken this attitude of “I’m living my life; I don’t need your support or opinion, so I’ll just carry on” a bit too far. I don’t need to have a heated debate about the morality of anyone’s sexual choices, but there are people I care about who need to know on which side of that debate I would be found. Because if someone needs support, or needs an understanding ear, or just wants to talk without judgment, I want them to know that I’m there for them.

If you are open and non-judgemental, I encourage you to communicate that to people in your life, regardless of how much of your own experience you care to share. It could mean everything to one person.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Busy, Busy


Are we really, really busy? Want to know how you can tell? By the fact we haven't posted any photos, words, or anything! Lizzie's right in the throes of it in school and Craig is traveling a ridiculous amount for work right now. We haven't forgotten about you, Fellow Kinksters, and we haven't forgotten the blog. We'll be back—hopefully as early as next week!

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Red Bottom Birthday

It was Craig's birthday last weekend and so he decided it was going to be Red Bottom Weekend. Not his bottom! Don't be crazy!

For the last two months I have been in and out of town and when I was home we were either gone on our own weekend getaway or we've had stuff to do or friends over, so we haven't had much time to ourselves.

Even on my birthday weekend we were supposed to have some friends over for dinner, but at the last minute one of them got sick (doesn't everyone always get sick around back-to-school?), so we ended up on our own for the weekend. So yay.

So I announced to Lizzie we were going to have a Red Bottom Weekend. If you're wondering what that is, you can read about them on our blog HERE and HERE, with a handbook HERE. Lizzie said, "It's your birthday, I think I'm the one who wins on a Red Bottom Weekend." I looked at her and said, "But that's what I want." And we did.
With school starting after the crazy summer we’ve enjoyed, I didn’t get a chance to plan anything spectacular for Craig’s birthday. (If you’re looking for birthday surprise ideas for your kinky lover, take a look back at the time I wrapped myself up as a gift - HERE; or the time I made myself into a cheese and charcuterie platter - HERE.)

Instead, I asked Craig what he wanted to do for his birthday weekend. He promptly announced that he wanted to have a Red Bottom Weekend. I was startled because this sounds more like something I might desire for my birthday. But no, Craig was determined that he wanted to have a Red Bottom Weekend for his birthday. We had a few errands that couldn’t be escaped, but we managed to have a Red Bottom Weekend around those activities.
Red Bottom Birthday Weekend began Saturday morning. I spanked Lizzie long and hard, making sure her bottom was a lovely rouge. From that point forward, I would tell Lizzie to pull her shorts down about every 15 minutes to see just how red or pink her bottom was. All day Saturday I would discover it wasn't pink at all, so the inspection would turn into another spanking, paddling, hairbrush spanking, or strapping.

Sunday (my actual birthday) continued the red bottoming. At some point, I switched fully to strapping and by midday her bottom was pink or red nearly every time I checked, and by the time it got dark Sunday evening she was "ouching" and "oohing" every time she shifted in her seat or got up or sat down. Needless to say, I was satisfied.

It turned into the perfect birthday, getting Lizzie bent over or over my knee numerous times in two days. And, without a doubt, I know Lizzie loved it, too.
As you can see from the pictures, Craig used several different implements over the weekend. Craig brought home a paddle when he took a trip to Hawaii, which is featured in the first set of pictures. I’m not sure I would ever describe a literal paddle as a pervertable, but this one certainly wasn’t designed for the kind of impact play we typically engage in. That makes it an odd toy - we don’t want to break our decorations and it isn’t really the ideal shape.

He also used a hairbrush in my “favorite” position - diaper position. That’s a love-hate favorite, for sure. Everything hurts so much in that position, but obviously, that’s why I love it! (But don’t tell Craig!)

We had a great weekend. And if I can give Craig what he wants while getting what I want, well, that’s even better. Of course, I think I may have just described why we work so well together - our wants and needs are so well matched.

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Tips for Kinky Travelers

We've done a great deal of traveling this summer. We've gone to kinky events and visited family and friends. We've had our travel plans disrupted by Delta's computer problems and seen the aftermath of Southwest's computer issues. We thought we would put together some of our experiences and tips to share.

We had a really nice weekend getting to spend time with family, which is always enjoyed and appreciated. We seem to travel a lot--mostly because we enjoy it--but hotels can be challenging for play.

That wasn't the case a few weeks ago when we were in Denver for Thunder in the Mountains. We could do whatever we wanted in our room because the whole of the hotel was booked for the conference! That was liberating.

So with gaps under hotel room doors, "neighbors" with kids, and that sort of thing it's hard to figure out the best way to play. I remember one of my first play parties out of town. It was Florida Moonshine's Back to School party in Tampa and it was being held at what we affectionately ended up calling The Bates Motel. I'm sure that paints a picture.
Sometimes it seems like we are on the road more than we are at home. Not literally, of course; but if you add in the time spent packing, preparing, unpacking, and resetting from the trip, it might come close. Every trip is different, naturally, but I’ve developed a few tricks depending on the type of trip.

When I’m packing to travel to a kink event, I start with considering the specific event and the agenda. Some events will require multiple costume changes or particular outfits. Other events might be more casual. But each event has it’s own look and feel - something I like to consider because I’m more comfortable when I feel like I know what’s expected.

So I research the event. I think about the specific activities we have planned for the trip. Sometimes Craig will give me a list of specific outfits he wants me to bring along. With those outlines in mind, I suggest:
So I was attempting to have a scene. Well, I wasn't attempting because the scene was well underway in one of the hotel rooms. It was going really well...until the neighbor banged on the wall and said, "Keep it down!" Mind you, it was the middle of the afternoon (as I recall) so I was a bit shocked by this.

Rather than laugh it off and switch to something quieter (canes, nipple clamps, etc.) it completely threw me off the scene. I've only experienced a few times there was scene kill—a couple times brought on by me and other times from the bottom or something happening in the environment. Usually, if it's the environment, I can shake it off and move on, but not this time. The scene ground to a screeching halt, much to our chagrin.

So I'll offer a few tips if you're traveling:

Tip #1: "Soundproof" Your Room
On other trips I've rolled towels to jam under doors to try to quiet the sounds. I've had bottoms clap their hands in the room while I walked up and down the halls. Some would say, "So what? Let 'em hear!" But in a public place (well, a hotel is semi-public) I don't need someone calling the cops and I certainly don't want to foist my kink on some unsuspecting family with kids.

I will digress further for a moment: at Thunder a presenter domme told of how her slave meets her at the airport when she returns from a trip and the first thing she has him do is get on his knees and kiss her feet. I think it's rather irresponsible to do something like this in front of families, regardless of your protocol, kink, or dynamic.

Tip #2: Try a Silent Scene
We've talked a number of times about Silent Scenes. You can find out about them here and here.

Tip #3: Stay at a Suite Hotel
They are a little more expensive, but all-suite hotels like Embassy Suites, Homewood Suites, and Residence Inns put some distance between the bedroom and the hallway. I like Embassy Suites. I request a room at the end of a hall so I only have a neighbor on one side. This is really specific but many older Embassy Suites were built with cinder block construction, so between room soundproofing is better than hotels with standard construction.

Yet another digression: be prepared to have your bag checked by TSA. If you're not into humiliation play this may be a problem for you. I check my toy bag and inevitably when I get to the hotel I can see my floggers, canes, and crops have all been rummaged through, whether TSA leaves a note or not (and they often do, but less so these days). If I'm not checking a bag, then...

Tip #4: Get a Set of "Travel Toys"
I try not to check bags for just a weekend. If we are going to a spanking or kink party/conference I will bring and check my roll-along toy bag. But if it's just a weekend getaway checking bags is such a nuisance. So I collected a set of toys just for traveling, a short 26" cane, a short crop, a leather paddle, and a hairbrush. None of these items have metal inside (I made sure of it) so they are less conspicuous on the TSA x-ray. I almost never get stopped/searched with these toys.

Just on this last trip my bag went through the x-ray three times. Finally, TSA pulled it (and me) aside, opened my bag and started to rummage through it. Lizzie's job is to pack our bags when we travel, so I had no idea what he was looking for. I'd just had a cigar cutter that had been in my bag for months removed by security in China the week before, so it wasn't that. Finally, he pulled out a small velvet bag. Oops! He opened it to see...Lizzie's glass butt plugs and lube.

I stopped getting embarrassed by such things ages ago. I stood there unfazed. Having seen it all (I'm sure), he was unfazed too. He put the bag back in the suitcase and set us on our way.

Hopefully these tips might come in handy. Either way, I hope you enjoyed my little anecdotes. Happy travels, Fellow Kinksters!
Tip #1: Double your undies, double your pleasure.
I pack two pairs of underwear for nearly every outfit I lay out. It’s an easy way to give myself options without greatly increasing the amount of fabric I’m packing. I might not feel like a thong that afternoon. And you never know when a pair of perfectly fitting underwear will betray you by cutting right into the worst sore spot left from an earlier scene. And at the risk of oversharing - if I’m going to take the time to “freshen up” before a scene but not change my outfit, it’s nice to have a fresh pair of panties that matches.

Tip #2: Try it on before you pack it.
Unless the item in question is part of your everyday wardrobe, slip it on to double check the fit. Look in the mirror to make sure it fits like you remember. There’s no reason to pack an ill-fitting or uncomfortable garment when you have limited packing space.

Tip #3: Don’t neglect your comfort.
Unless that’s your kink, in which case, you should disregard this tip entirely. It’s wonderful to dress up at an event. Personally, that’s one of my favorite things - seeing and wearing fabulous costumes and outfits. But if the event requires much walking, I’ll be wearing my most comfortable shoes at least part of the time. If I know that I’m going to engage in a particularly arduous scene, I’ll pack an outfit that accommodates any expected stress points. And for the trip home, or any other time I might be leaving the event space, I like to pack something that covers the marks I don’t care to share with the vanilla world at large.

But even when we aren’t going to a kink event or traveling for expressly kinky purposes, Craig and I are likely to engage in our kink whenever the opportunity presents itself. So the following tips relate to my packing in general, wherever I’m headed.

Tip #4: Look at your bag like an x-ray machine.
Whether you’re packing an entire bag of kinky outfits, toys, and paraphernalia or just including a few favorite items, it’s important to consider how you put those things in the bag. An item that can be clearly seen, even if it is something potentially embarrassing, is one that won’t be pulled out for inspection. If you’re carrying something that will need to be pulled out, pack it on top or in an exterior pocket. Ease of access means they won’t be pawing through your underthings or tossing your other toys across the counter searching for the one that’s caught their attention.

Tip #5: Take the batteries out.
Just do it. If you don’t want to watch TSA try it out, remove the batteries. Trust me when I say - no one wants to watch that.

Hopefully, you’ve found a tip or two that you can use to make packing for your next trip easier. Whatever you do, don’t let the limitations of packing limit your kink! As always, if you have any thoughts or questions, leave a comment or drop us a line.

Sunday, July 31, 2016

Thunder in the Mountains Report

We went to Thunder in the Mountains last weekend, a big pansexual BDSM conference and play party in Denver. As promised last week, here's our report from the event.

Note: First picture from the Thunder in the Mountains photo gallery at http://thunderinthemountains.com/.

Lizzie had been to Thunder a few years ago and was agog with the variety of things she saw and learned about at this huge conference and play party. Most of all, she had many tales of the massive dungeon they set up in the hotel's large convention space. It took at least four years for us to get the schedules to align for us to go together.

First of all, the hotel lobby featured a well-lured Pokémon stop that was accessible (most of the time) from our near-lobby hotel room. That's all I'm going to say about that.

After lunch, we registered for the conference and later went to a mixer/orientation where the conference organizers went over the rules (if you have a phone in the dungeon it will be taken and put in an aquarium) and introductions made to the fine roster of speakers. After dinner we went to the dungeon. Holy shit.

At 50,000 sq. ft. the place filled a convention hall. There was a huge dome-shaped "jungle gym" set up for suspension play, easily 25-feet in diameter. There were walls of St. Andrew's crosses, an entire room set up with scaffold for rope and suspension play. There was a pony track and a puppy play area, tables for medical play. It was a bit overwhelming, seeing so many play stations so full of people doing so many strange and fantastic things.

Lizzie had a headache (either from the altitude or dehydration or both) so we just observed Friday night, then went to bed to be rested and ready for the next day.

Lizzie's headache remained when we awoke, so I left her in bed and headed off to my first class of Thunder, Rough Body Play with Dunter, a funny and excellent presenter. As an ex-military and an ongoing martial arts expert he was the perfect person to learn more about how to push and punch innocent little girls around. I took copious notes and could hardly wait to try out these newfound techniques on my pain slut.
Several years ago, I attended Thunder with a couple friends I’d met in the spanking scene. That first time was a mind boggling experiences for me. I was still fairly new to the spanking scene, I’d never been to a dungeon before, and I’d never gone to any type of BDSM event.

I have vivid memories of fantastic costumes, classes that covered topics beyond my imagination, and scenes that I could not pull myself away from. While looking for anything I had written about the event, I found this picture of something I wore - here.

I had taken notes during some of the classes for Craig, all the time wishing he could be attending himself. Since then, we’ve been trying to make it work in our schedules to go back together.

But I have changed a great deal since that first trip. I’ve played regularly in a dungeon and been exposed to a much wider variety of play styles outside the spanking community. I’ve attended various leather and BDSM events, including phenomenal experiences at BOLD (which you can read about here and here).

So I knew my expectations had changed and I anticipated that my perception of the event might be very different this time. And I worried a bit that, after talking about this for so long, it might not stand up to Craig’s expectations. All said, I approached the weekend with a set of nerves that went well beyond having brought the right clothes for the event. But like so many things we worry about, there was no reason to worry about this.

The dungeon was everything I remembered, but maybe even larger. I *need* that jungle gym in my life. Not for suspension or even a scene, I just want it! My first time at Thunder, it was unoccupied when I first saw it, so I was able to clamber up it in my heels. This time, there was always a scene going on within, so I wasn’t able to play on it. But I dream about having one of those for myself.
By the time that session was over, Lizzie was up and feeling better. We headed off to the next session, The Enema of my Enema is my Friend (winner best session name ever!). It was a pretty basic enema play class, but we still managed to learn a few new things.

After lunch we went to The High Art of Protocol, which I thought would be about new ways for subs/slaves to interact with their tops/masters, but instead it was about putting on fancy, high-manners Downton Abbey-style dinners. Evidently I hadn't read the description, because this was more Martha Stewart than Marquis de Sade.

We skipped the second afternoon session to explore the extensive vendor fair, discovering some vendor friends from the spanking parties and meeting new sellers with curious and clever implements and gadgets. If you checked out our video last week then you know what kind of stuff we found. We also picked up some new corsets for Lizzie, which she looks amazing in, of course.

After dinner we headed back to the dungeon, this time ready to play. I dragged my toy bag with me and Lizzie was dressed in a skin-tight sexy fetish-y black leatherette and spandex dress, with no panties, as I had ordered.

We waited in a line that wrapped around hallways probably 300-feet or more before the organizers opened the doors and everyone went in. With so many people in line I was sure the dungeon would be filled to capacity by the time we got there, but the space was so enormous that it still looked relatively empty when we went through the threshold.

Rather than tour the dungeon again, we beelined it to a St. Andrew's cross, wanting to make sure we staked our spot for our scene before the place filled up. Lizzie set to cleaning while I got out my roster of implements and soon I was tying her up to the cross, naked.
Just walking around the dungeon space that first night was overwhelming. Of course, traveling in that day didn’t help - I’m always far more bothered by travel than Craig seems to be. We met a few people and checked out a few scenes. The energy in the space this year was one of movement. Few people stayed to watch an entire scene the way they do at our local dungeons. Instead they move through the space, taking in bits of everything as they go. For me, this was a bit too stimulating so we headed to bed early.

The next morning I stayed in bed with a headache. Altitude and pressure changes are big triggers for my migraines, so I think we were both worried I would spend the weekend hiding in our room. But it wasn’t a migraine! The headache passed with a bit of extra sleep.

We went together to “The Enema of my Enema is my Friend,” the topic of which should be fairly obvious. It was geared more for people who were just starting to explore this topic, but there are always things to learn.

We went next to a Protocol class, which wasn’t at all what we had been expecting. Nothing wrong with the class - it was a well prepared presentation with lots of information about the topic of hosting a fancy event. But for us, I think that falls more in the realm of our vanilla lives. It did make me curious about planning something a little more elaborate at home for our kinky friends. I could combine my love of hosting with my overwhelming love of costumes into something quite picturesque.

We skipped the second afternoon sessions in favor of returning to the vendor fair. We posted a video last week showing our initial finds there. But we wanted to take a closer look at a few things. I tried on several corsets, and Craig bought two of them for me! (Did I mention that I love costumes?)
Both Lizzie and I noted after our scene it was hard to focus with so many sounds and activity around us. People screamed! There were odd mechanical sounds. Chain winches chick, chick, chicked. People paraded past behind us.

We had a good, intense, and hard scene (as you can see). Lizzie noted that as we played the cross to our left had three changes of play partners and the one to our right had two. And as we wrapped up there was a "queue" of two other play partners waiting to use our cross.

Needless to say, I still managed a dragon's tail, spanking, strapping, belt, cane, multiple paddles and my new new dastardly implements before our hour-long scene was done.

We walked around the dungeon and saw many strange and interesting things before grabbing a nightcap and heading off to bed.

In the morning, Lizzie went to a class on Anticipatory Service while I caught up with work email. After that, she came back to the room and set about to packing up while I went to an absolutely fantastic class, Creative Mindfuckery with presenter Danarama. What a truly great course that filled my head with so many ideas for future scenes. And Danarama has got to be one of the most creative sadists in the scene.

We headed off for the airport after that, sorry to miss the afternoon sessions, but it was Sunday afternoon and we had to get back to our vanilla lives.

It was great seeing the spectacle of Thunder and discovering so many new people outside the MDHL community we call home. The classes were great, the attendance impressive and that dungeon!
We also had time for Craig to try out the moves he had learned in his first session about rough body play. We have wrestled before, but I grew up as very scrappy tom-boy in a rural area, frequently wrestling with people both bigger and stronger than me. Most of the things he had learned were really useful. His demonstration of what he had learned turned into a scene of it’s own in our hotel room.

After dinner, we had plans for a scene in the dungeon. We had gotten a feel for the space and energy the night before, so we knew we needed to go early to stake out a spot. But we got there so early we ended up standing in a long line of people waiting for the dungeon to open.

Craig, as always, gives a better description of our actual scene. It was a good, intense, and lengthy scene. But I wasn’t able to sink into it the way that I usually do. I found the energy in the dungeon a bit distracting.

The next morning, I packed up our things while Craig attended a class. Then he caught up on some work while I attended a class. The classes were my favorite part of Thunder the first time I attended and that still holds true.

There’s something incredible to me about going to a presentation on a kinky topic. Regardless of the topic, I find there’s always something new to learn. And there’s something magical about people taking the time to share what they’ve learned about their kinks with the community. It’s easy to focus on the scenes or the play, but it’s special to see the insights and strength people have gained.

I’m very glad we had the opportunity to go to Thunder this year. I’m more motivated now to find other new events to explore. So if you’ve got a favorite, leave it in the comments, send an email, or send a message on FetLife!

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Thunder in the Mountains Preview

We are at Thunder in the Mountains in Denver this weekend, a convention with some great presenters and classes and an amazing 50,000 sq. ft. dungeon! 

We'll have more to say about Thunder next week, but we wanted to share this video we shot here for all of you to enjoy in the mean time.


Friday, July 15, 2016

A Weekend with Friends

We got to spend the weekend with two of our best friends—both in the lifestyle. They are a couple we have developed a really great friendship with. Almost a year in the planning, the weekend finally happened.

There's nothing titillating to report from our weekend with our friends—it wasn't that kind of weekend. Still, getting a chance to have long conversations, enjoy good food and drink and relax together was a real treat.

Most importantly, it further galvanizes something both Lizzie and I have felt and articulated to one another for some time: the people we are most comfortable with, the people we most identify with, and the people we really feel where we can be utterly unguarded is with those in the scene.

We have good—no, great!—vanilla friends ranging from work friends to family, school chums, and more. But with those people we are always holding back a little...not fully able to be 100% genuine.
You probably wouldn’t think that planning a weekend to spend with friends who live only 40 miles away could take so long. But with work, travel, and life - not to mention L.A. traffic - it took ages to get this weekend to work. And for all that planning, you might think we would have done something scandalous - but that wasn’t the goal for this weekend. (We’re saving that for next weekend; more about that in a bit.)

Instead, we filled the weekend with conversation and relaxation. We got a chance to eat at some of their favorite restaurants and explore a different area of southern California. But best of all, we were able to simply be ourselves with some great friends. The value in that cannot be overstated.
We talk about the future, about what we do when I retire someday. Do we want to move out of state? Closer to Lizzie's family? Closer to mine? As we contemplate all these options we get back to something fundamental: our true friends are here in Los Angeles—the people we bond with the most, associate with the most, and feel most at home and honest with.

And that's an amazing gift.

It took almost a year, but hanging out with our friends and talking about work and life and philosophical crap and having the time to go into those things in depth was really special.

My takeaway from all that: embrace those who share your ability to be honest and true. Keep them close. They fulfill you.
Next weekend, we’re going to Thunder in the Mountains. It’ll be my second adventure at this conference, but it’s Craig’s first time. We’re really looking forward to the weekend in Denver. I’m excited to venture out into another part of the kink community.

I’m very glad that we have such wonderful friends here at home. I have fond memories of the days when we were active in the spanking community and I cherish my friendships from that time. I don’t expect to feel “at home” quite the way I did at BOLD, but I do hope to meet new people and learn lots of new things.

I love that we are able to enjoy every day we have together, whether we are meeting old friends or making new ones.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

A Red Bottom Anniversary

Last weekend was our first wedding anniversary. We celebrated as one might expect—with extensive strappings!

(If you don't know about Red Bottom Weekends you can read about them here or here.)

Our anniversary arrived as quickly as the year had passed by. With a customary dinner out planned and a variety of little gifts to commemorate the date, I also had plans for bit of a surprise: an unofficial Red Bottom Weekend.

We started the weekend with a hand spanking, an OTK that Lizzie had been craving. Before long, we moved to my belt. I strapped her long and hard until she was red and sore. We set about to our regular weekend activities, but before too much time had passed I told her to go get a long, thick London Tanners strap. To her dismay, Lizzie went to bedroom to fetch it.

And I strapped her good. Her bottom was not only red and sore, it was getting bruised as well.

The strappings went on all Saturday and into the evening, until one strapping—her bottom so sore she could hardly take it—I decided to end it for the night.

Sunday continued much the same as Saturday. I think Lizzie really enjoyed this surprise anniversary gift. It wasn't exactly a Red Bottom Weekend, but it was certainly a Red Bottom Anniversary.
The year since our wedding has certainly flown by more quickly than I ever imagined. Of course, as we frequently mention here, we are ALWAYS busy. I imagine that has something to do with the way the time passes. But more importantly, I think, is that we are also enjoying every minute we spend together.

Craig gave me a fantastic surprise for our anniversary - a custom piece of art depicting a spanking that now hangs in our home. He came up with something that is the perfect balance of titillating and family-safe. I smile every time I see it hanging on the wall.

But along with the more usual gifts and dinners, Craig also gave me a very special weekend - a Red Bottom Weekend.

As our frequent readers will know, this is one of my favorite weekend activities (combining such a wonderful, wide range of spanking, smacking, fucking, paddling, and strapping). He hadn’t warned me in advance that this was his plan, but I was happy to enjoy such a special treat.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Picture Fiction

Today we offer our feature where we take photos and each write unique stories based on the pics.

"I've Got That Spanking Feeling" Bedtime Spanking
It began suddenly. He had never seen anything like it. She threw a full-on, four year old-style temper tantrum. Right at the dinner table.

"I don't want to eat peas!" she said, shoving her plate so hard it cascaded onto the floor, scattering meat and peas everywhere. There was a moment of silence where she looked at the floor wide-eyed. It was obvious to him that she had not planned on pushing the plate that hard. She looked at him. He glared at her with a fiery rage. The silence went on for a long, long time.

They weren't having a "little's" day, but she had pre-negotiated the tantrum. She had wanted to try one for some time--had, in fact, been thinking about one for longer. She didn't want to be disruptive. She didn't want to be a "bad girl." She just wanted to get out of control a bit.

She wanted to have a full-on, lie-face-down-on-the-floor-kicking-and-screaming tantrum. They agreed she could and decided the best way for it to work was for it to be a surprise.
Her bare feet made little noise on the floor as she made her way to the living room. Bracing her hands against the doorframe, she leaned forward slowly to look into the living room. He was sitting on the sofa, savoring his glass of scotch and watching one of the graphic, violent shows that gave her nightmares.

“Daddy?” she said quietly when he didn’t notice her sneaking into the room.

He paused the show and looked over at her. For a long moment, he simply stared, taking in her naked body and watching her shiver as the cool air came into contact with her skin warm from bed.

“What are you doing up, little one?”

She caught her lip between her teeth, considering her words, before saying, “I couldn’t sleep, Daddy.”

“You were all but asleep on the sofa here, before I tucked you in.”

She lifted her shoulders in a helpless shrug, “But I can’t sleep now!”
Clearly she hadn't meant for the plate to land on the floor. Red climbed up her face. But it fit the bill and had the desired effect. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he bellowed, red faced. "You're coming with me, young lady!"

And after that booming voice stopped echoing around the dining room, he grabbed her by the wrist so hard that she imagined she felt tendons collapsing against bone and he tore her from her chair. She slid, bare footed, on the peas, which was unfortunate. She banged her thigh against the corner of the dining room table. Also unfortunate.

He took her to the bedroom, grabbing her by the hair and shoving her head down onto the bed. He seethed in her ear: "You hold still, little one." She knew, mostly because of the plate, that not all of this was staged. She also knew to hold incredibly still.

He spanked her hard then. No warm up. This was no time for a warm up. Then he spanked her harder. She hadn't felt it this "harder" in a long time. He was worked up. "You need to learn how to mind your attitude. You're a bit too haughty for this house." He ramped up the spanking then. Yes--ramped up.

This went on for some time and at some point, she wasn't really sure when, he pulled off his belt and strapped her again and again and again until he was panting and out of breath and she had hot tears dripping onto the sheets of the bed.

"Now," he started, his voice trailing off. He grabbed her by the ear and dragged her to the corner. "Stand here. And don't you fucking move." He stormed out of the room and she heard, ever so faintly, the sound of silverware against a plate. He was finishing his dinner.

And, like how many of these stories end, a sly smile crept upon her lips.
“Maybe you’d sleep better with a red, hot bottom.”

She stood silent, giving the threat serious consideration. His laughter broke the silence. He moved to the middle of the sofa and beckoned her over. She settled easily and automatically on his lap, her bottom presented over his knees and her arms folded beneath her.

“Always so eager for a spanking,” he observed, even as he obliged her unspoken request. His hand smacked down on her waiting bottom. He spanked hard from the start, eliciting a few yelps from her.

“And so soon, you’re just as eager for it to end,” he mused aloud. But this unspoken desire would not be so quickly granted. He settled into a rhythm, smacking her bottom in one place several times before moving to another.

When he did stop, it was only to order her back to the bedroom. Once there, he directed her to bend over the end of the bed. After flipping on a light, he retrieved a paddle from the drawer where it was kept for just such an occasion.

He tapped it lightly against her bottom, giving her a clear indication of what was to come. He made a few adjustments to her position and his before taking a full swing.

She cried out with genuine distress at this, but he ignored her and applied several more swats to her red bottom. She pressed her face into the bed and struggled to hold her position.

When he finished, he slid the paddle onto the bed beside her. He helped her to her feet and pulled her into a hug. One of his hands slid down her back to squeeze her swollen bottom. He held her for a moment, waiting for her breathing to steady. Then he gave her a quick kiss on the forehead and said, “Back into bed with you, little one. And go to sleep this time!”

Friday, June 10, 2016

The Honeymoon is OVER!

We are back from our absolutely fantastic (and very late!) honeymoon to Europe. We've teased each other throughout the trip that once we get home "the honeymoon will be over." Here's our thoughts on that. This post may be a bit off topic for our blog, but we aren't against oversharing now and then.

Saying "the honeymoon is over" means to me that a person or couple just falls into complacency. Complacency is one of the sure signs of death for a relationship. You have to work at it. All the time.

And that doesn't mean that "working at it" means it has to be work. For us, it's not work at all. But how do we avoid complacency? Well, for one, we don't take one another for granted. In fact, I'd dare say, I think we go out of our way to let the other know just how much they are appreciated.
Teasing one another that “the honeymoon is over” has been a running joke for us for years, stemming from a friend’s comment when we started dating. Then we got married. And went on a wonderful, three week honeymoon.

On our trip, we realized that when we got home, our honeymoon would literally be over. But we knew that didn’t mean we had to lose even a bit of the energy and intensity of our relationship. And we decided that we could write about that this week.
To me, "the honeymoon is over" means the spark is faded, the shine is off the relationship, the limerence likely expired. Certainly, limerence--that new relationship energy--changes and morphs into something else over time, but whether we are just touching one another by holding hands or scooching together closer in bed so we are physically touching (we are not cuddle-while-sleeping types) or fucking, we are still always engaged, actively participating, eager to experience, and very much in love.

That "work" also means, for us anyway, to make sure we say "I love you" regularly, to acknowledge the contributions each of make to the relationship, to make sure the other always feels appreciated, to make sure romance remains a key component of our day-to-day experience, and so much more.

Without turning this post into a primer on relationships--because far from two divorced people to claim to be experts on the subject--we felt it important to share with all of you, Fellow Kinksters, how our honeymoon is far from over.
As Craig says, I’d never claim to be a relationship expert. But I do think that this joke, or the serious side of it, helps remind us that our relationship is worth the effort. In the early stages of a relationship, it’s easy to let the limerence take you through any problems. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it takes more to create the lasting relationship that you want.

So even though we’ve finished the trip, we are still enjoying every minute of our lives together. We’re always touching - in fact, as I write this, we’re sitting together on the sofa, cuddled together. We take the time to stay connected, making sure we engage in our lives together. And, of course, we’re still playing and exploring our kink.

Whatever stage of your relationship that you’re in, I certainly hope you’re making the most of it. And maybe, like us, you’ll decide that the honeymoon should never, ever be over.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Heid Doon Arse Up!

That's Scottish for "Get on with it!" What are we getting on with? Well, our honeymoon. So Black & Blue Blog will be offline for the next two weeks while we travel through Scotland and other European places.

In the mean time, we managed to snap a few saucy photos on our trip so far. Hope these tide you over until we return!

. We dressed up for dinner every night on our cruise. Here I am, wearing some retro lingerie that Craig selected for me.

Here's Lizzie getting ready to go out to dinner aboard ship after a very lovely hairbrush spanking. We couldn't do much more because of the noise.
.
. We had a balcony on our stateroom. I couldn't resist the opportunity to go out one afternoon so Craig could take this picture.
We managed to find time later in the cruise to pull off a strapping. It was the middle of the day (as you can see by the light) and we kept it to only 20 strokes, but it was still a nice little scene. .

Thursday, May 19, 2016

A Painful Reminder

Our relationship began on trips. We started casually playing at spanking parties around the country. We became play partners going to more and more parties. Then we fell in love and traveled together. When we began to travel together one of the things Lizzie loves, that I enjoy too, is to have a really hard scene before we travel. Read our two sides to learn more.

Lizzie wanted to "feel it" when we traveled. She wanted to be uncomfortable on the plane. She relishes it. Loves wiggling from the discomfort of her sore bottom.

Often, while flying, she will suddenly sit upright, get a big childish grin on her face, and lean over to peck me on the cheek. "What's that for?" I'll ask, surprised. "My bottom hurts, daddy."

I don't get this. But I'm not a masochist. But Lizzie loves it. The more messed up her bottom is before a trip the better. Once, we played at the local dungeon we used to frequent the night before a trip we were taking together to London. I just ran into the photos I took that night after the scene and in the days that followed as the redness turned to deep bruising. It has been a brutal, punishing scene.

Guess what? Lizzie loved the 11 hour flight the next day.

Over time, this has become a bit of a ritual. Flight coming up? Time to smack that bottom with hand, with cane, with strap. Then, the next day, the inevitable squirming in her seat followed by the peck on the cheek and the pronunciation: "My bottom hurts."
One of my favorite things about attending spanking parties was flying home on a sore bottom. Sure, I made great friends at parties and had amazing, memorable scenes. But flying home with a sore bottom? That was guaranteed with every party. I might describe it as the capstone of the party - a lasting reminder of every great adventure of the weekend.

When Craig and I started traveling together, that burning bottom came to mean even more to me. It was still a reminder of an incredible weekend. But while flying home from a party on a sore bottom allowed me to combine the good, the great, the mediocre, and even that bad, experiences into one pleasant sensation, flying home from a weekend with Craig was a culmination of every delightful moment we had shared.

Perhaps even more importantly, cherishing that sore bottom as I flew home helped to ease the pain of parting from Craig - something that got harder after each trip. It was affirmation of everything we enjoyed together. It was comfort and distraction from the separation to come. And, of course, I’m a pain slut - so there’s an element of pure pleasure in that pain.
We are finally taking our honeymoon, after 11 months of marriage. We're on a cruise right now as you read this (auto-posting is a great thing). Departing on our cruise from New York, we knew we had a five hour flight ahead of us before we left.

So what did we do? A little "discomfort preparation." Or maybe that's "squirm induction." Either way, I spanked, paddled, and strapped her bottom until it was warm enough to cook an egg on. And what happened when we flew the next day? The wiggle. The shifting of weight in her airline seat. The perky smile. The kiss. Followed by, what every time sounds like a surprising revelation: "My bottom hurts, daddy."

No shit.
Even now, when we travel together, I look forward to having a sore bottom to travel on. Each time, I can relive some pleasant memories, remembering the thrill of those first parties, or Brad’s final strapping at a party in Florida that left me “hovering” over my seat, or a deeply moving, intensely emotional scene from Craig before we flew to London that left me with bruises through the entire trip (you can see them here). It’s something I cherish in the moment and something I look forward to remembering in the future.

Plus, it helps keep me out of mischief during our travels. There are plenty of times when the tedium of travel might otherwise cause me to think a spanking sounded like a good idea. Wait. Who am I kidding? It’s hardly a deterrent. But it is, happily, a promise.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

A NEEDED “HUNDREDS SCENE”

In our last post, we talked about some of the little ways we live our dynamic every day. But this week, with only two days between visitors, we took the time for a hard, lengthy scene.

Lizzie is in her second year in fashion design and sewing classes at our local college. (As if two degrees aren’t enough!) She loves it and I love that she loves it. But as she gets near the end of the semester she begins to simultaneously ramp up her stress levels while also spiral into some kind of chaos frenzy.

I know it’s coming, so it’s manageable, and I know it has a quick end, so I try to amp up my help around the house (when she’s in school I try to do a lot more than when she’s not) and keep a watchful eye on her state of mind.

We’d talked about her stress, but I guess I didn’t realize exactly how bad it was until, one night between finals in one class and another, she sheepishly reported to me that she wanted “a hard scene that would push her.”

I realized, even though we’d had time for spankings and canings and the like, we hadn’t had a really long or intense scene in a while. So the next day, as I was heading home, I texted her: “Get out six implements you want me to use to push you.”

I like putting picking out implements onto her because it’s a bit of paradox play. After a few minutes I texted again: “Oh. Did I mention? This will be a Hundreds Scene.” If you are a regular to our blog, Fellow Kinkster, you’ll know that’s where I use each implement one hundred times. And there’s no short cuts or “gimmies”.
Last week, we had two overlapping sets of visitors. Next week, we will have another set of overlapping visitors. It’s a good thing we have two guest rooms, because we seem to be booking our house to the brim.

With only two days without visitors, and those days mid-week, it didn’t seem likely we would be able to get a chance to play. So I was thrilled when Craig agreed to my suggestion that we plan a scene.

He texted me as he was coming home from work, instructing me to pick out six implements that represented what I wanted from the scene. This is always difficult for me. The biggest problem is that I don’t always have a clear memory of how I feel about each implement. I tend to go into bottom space during our scenes and things get a bit confused there.

But when it comes to something like this, where I know he’s going to read something more into my selection, there’s an additional problem. I think our perspective on the implements might be completely opposite. (With good reason, I suppose, given that we are on opposite ends of them.)

So, it was with some trepidation that I approached the task of making this selection. I wanted a hard scene. Something that left marks and sensation for a bit, because I knew we wouldn’t get a chance to play again until our visitors left.
I got home and took Lizzie by the wrist to the bedroom and we began post haste. It’s interesting to note the implements she chose:


1. A long, thin, thick wood paddle (she doesn’t like this much)
2. A London Tanner paddle (very flappy leather)
3. A long handled hard wood “hairbrush” paddle (another one she doesn’t like)
4. “Old Hickory,” one of my favorite canes
5. A thick, long London Tanner strap (she loves this)
6. “The Finisher,” aleather paddle that often ends our scenes (she loves this one, too)


Three absolute dreaded implements and three she relishes having used on her. I could see how this would go.

I started with my hand to warm her up, but I escalated it quickly. That was the first one hundred. Moved through the first wood paddle and the leather paddle and onto the third hairbrush paddle. That was 400 hits of a hand or implement.

We moved to the bathroom where I bent Lizzie over for her strapping, which she delighted in, so I swung extra hard to make sure she didn’t delight too much. 500.

Back on the bed, we ended up with the thick leather paddle, Lizzie’s bottom bruised and marked with ladders from Old Hickory. Along the way she cried, was transported, and brought back, the stress dissolved in the elixir of her pain.

She made it through her second final without a hitch.
I picked out the wood paddle that I call “the naughty paddle”. It’s not just that I hate the paddle (I do), but there’s something about Craig using it that puts me in a particular “naughty girl” headspace, which I can really enjoy at times.

I also pulled out the “hairbrush” paddle - the spanking surface of this paddle isn’t much larger than a hairbrush (which I love), but the handle is significantly longer. This results in a sensation very different from a hairbrush. I don’t love this in the application, but I do enjoy the aftereffects.

I picked the custom leather paddle because I love it and because Craig likes to end our scenes with it.

I struggled to pick out a cane - I wanted one, but it’s these that I have the most trouble distinguishing between. Reading Craig’s side, I discovered I had picked one of his favorites. From the experience, I might agree that it’s one of my favorites as well (excepting when it’s used on my thighs, of course).

Needing two more implements to round out the six I had been directed to choose, I quickly selected two London Tanner items. These are favorites of mine, great for everything from warming up to adding serious intensity to a scene.

Once the scene started, of course, I couldn’t tell you which implements Craig used or the order he used them in. The scene ramped up quickly and took me exactly where I needed to go - out of my head, into the sensation, and away from the stress. Maybe it was the perfect combination of implements. But more likely, it was my perfect partner and his ability to read me and my needs better than I can do myself.

Friday, April 22, 2016

Kink Can Be in the Little Things

Sometimes things get busy (a common theme) or for other reasons there simply isn't an opportunity to play (family visiting, the flu, etc.). Today's post is about how we maintain our kink and our D/s relationship in the face of those (rather common) challenges.

For me it's simple: our dynamic—actually our very relationship—has a dominance/submission power exchange at its core. It didn't start out that way. That whole thing was an evolution...a process.

After attending two BOLD conferences (an excellent weekend conference on the D/s and MDHL dynamic) we understood the necessity to confer some rituals, habits, and loving "reminders" into our relationship. This was particularly true after Lizzie moved in with me, but some of them developed even before (most notably long distance punishments).

Now that we are a "seasoned" couple, both in terms of living together as well as being in a full time D/s relationship, those things that keep our dynamic going are part of our daily routine—without ever becoming routine.
If you’ve read our blog for any length of time, you know that we tend to live our lives a bit on the, uh, hectic side. If we aren’t traveling, our schedule quickly fills up with visitors, events, and other plans. Even as empty-nesters, we don’t always have at much time to play as we might want.

But as much as we enjoy the play - and believe me, we both enjoy our scenes and our play - our relationship isn’t necessarily based on that. It started that way, of course, as Craig and I met at a spanking party and became play partners. But as our friendship grew and our relationship intensified, we discovered there was more between us than great scenes.

We’ve attended conferences and lectures on MDHL and D/s. And I’m always reading, finding new perspectives and discussing them with Craig. Those experiences, and the conversations that followed, have taught us a great deal about ourselves and what we want. (You can find one of my better descriptions of that here.)
When things get busy, that's even more important. When we don't have time or simply can't have an intense scene (those seem to always reinforce our power exchange in a tangible, intimate way), the little things are what remind us of who we have chosen to be.

I'll share a few of those, some of which may seem trite but are quite a part of our power exchange:

Lizzie makes my coffee almost every morning. That alone is a very "50's housewife" kind of thing in this day and age. But when she makes it, she brings a mug of steaming Starbucks to me, kneels in front of me, kisses the cup and looks up at me and says, "Here's your coffee, sir." I take the cup, sample it, make a verbal note of how it tastes, and then set the cup aside and lift her to a standing position. I kiss her on the lips and again on the forehead and tell her she is a very good girl.

As a side note, sometimes when Lizzie isn't feeling good or if she's rushed to head out the door I'll go and make coffee myself. When that happens, she can become very hurt that I "took that away from her." A guy can never win. ;-)

If we make a cocktail, get a glass of wine, or when we sit down to a meal—either at home or when we go out—Lizzie won't take a first sip or bite until I have done so first. It's such a little thing. When we're out with friends or family, no one ever notices. But I do. And that's a part of our D/s dynamic, too.

There are a myriad of little things that make up the simple day-to-day domestic power exchange in our lives. Sometimes it's just a glance, or a "young lady" uttered. When Lizzie is scattered or ramping up into becoming upset, a powerful grab of her wrist or wrists will suddenly (and to me, almost inexplicably) ease her. I can physically see her muscles relax when I do this.

Each and every one of those little things have purpose and meaning. Sure, it's easy to let them become rote because of their frequency and daily occurrence, but for us (and I would suggest if you try to add this to your dynamic, for you too) it's an important and symbolic way we remind one another of our promise and commitment to our D/s, part of the bedrock of our broader domestic relationship.
Over the course of living together, we’ve developed different rituals and rules that keep our dynamic in the forefront of our minds. I’ll try to write about different ones than those Craig already mentioned.

We have a series of rules that we’ve developed governing things that I notify (mostly by text) Craig about. I text him any time I leave the house, telling him where I’m headed. I text when I arrive at that location and when I leave again. Basically, he always knows where I am - whether I’m at home, at school, running errands, or in transit between activities.

I know there are apps that could easily give him the same information. And I know that works well for many of our friends. But for us, there is something particularly powerful in the act of telling him. It’s more than just the simple fact that he knows where I am. I take an affirmative step to let him know, each time I leave a location. I have an obligation to let him know where I am and what I’m doing.

It adds a step to going anywhere or doing anything. (Sometimes with amusing consequences, as you can read about here.) It’s not a huge burden, but it does make me aware of our dynamic on a daily basis.

This is just one of the things I do every day to strengthen and affirm our dynamic. The things that Craig does are very different, because the shifted power dynamic of our relationship means that our experiences are very different. His side of our “everyday” is perhaps more immediate and less ritual or rule based. He will grab my wrist. Or reach out to touch my face in a certain way that draws out my submission.

These are some of the simple things we do. They could be dismissed as habits or quirks by our vanilla family and friends, but we’ve given them meaning that goes beyond the act itself.






[Second picture by The Clandestine Capture. You can find her on Fetlife - here, or on Tumblr - here.]