Friday, February 20, 2015

Tumblrfun

We've been getting more and more into Tumblr. This has created its own interesting series of experiences...

Craig on Tumblr Lizzie on Tumblr
Lizzie started out joining Tumblr to look at the endless stream of spanking imagery. Not long after, she was asking me to take naughty pics of her to post, which I was glad to do. "Notes" (the same as Facebook likes, in Tumblr parlance) started pouring in, along with some random messages.

Lizzie suggested I join, as she was liking stuff and wanting me to see it, too, so I joined. Sounding like my father (or grandfather!) I was all, "I don't know what the deal is with this Tumblr! It's just a buncha photos! I have Instagram and Pinterest! What on Earth will I do with another..." My grandpa voice trailed off when I saw said previously noted endless stream of spanking imagery...and porn...and spanking porn. Did I mention porn? And BDSM porn?
Earlier today, my friend texted me saying: “I totally recognized your butt on a reblog on tumblr :P” She followed this up by explaining that she thought someone had stolen my picture and was about to jump on the “don’t steal pictures” train when she realized it was one of Craig’s pictures that had gone viral.

As Craig described, I started looking at tumblr when I realized I could find an endless stream of spanking pictures there. I also follow a handful of littles’ blogs, for variety. I’ve enjoyed posting pictures there, but it’s even better when Craig posts pictures. There's just something added when he posts pictures of me. Some added thrill because he's sharing the pictures.
So I was hooked, as a Tumblr consumer—not as a content creator.

But a shift occurred. Lizzie posted less and I began to post more. As we took pics for our blog, we also began to take extra for Tumblr. Likes and Followers soon followed. (People are pervs. I like it.)

And then something else happened. Tumblr began to influence our photos and our play. We began taking better photos, more creatively posed, better lighting. We started doing scenes that involved more photogenic places in our house.
I’ve had the experience my friend had, finding my butt in my tumblr feed, posted by someone other than Craig. Tumblr allows you to reblog another person’s photos easily, leaving the link back to the original poster intact, which is very handy. But it can also be a bit disconcerting to see the same picture several times in your feed as everyone you follow posts the picture of your butt posted by your partner. But I also love it.

I’m an exhibitionist, so I love it when pictures of me are loved and reblogged. It’s fun and exciting to know that other people enjoy seeing our pictures.
We started tracking to see what photos were more liked than others, looking for patterns to try to see what was popular.

Then, I started getting more concerned about "coverage"--how evenly red and how evenly spread the redness was on Lizzie's bottom...you know, for better photos.

It's been interesting and it's been fun. We have one photo, a rather naughty one, that has well close to 4,000 notes.

It's not the same as our blog, where we can express our views and opinions, missives and fiction, but it's fun. And Lizzie is a little exhibitionist anyway. She gets off when she sees those responses.
But it’s also utterly bewildering to me. I haven’t a clue why one picture is loved and spread so much while another is not. Craig may see patterns, but I only see randomness.

I’ve also enjoyed taking different sorts of pictures. I like playing in different places around the house, trying out different lights. Craig and I talk about different positions, different variables we can try.

Of course, the drive for pictures doesn’t entirely overtake our play. We still play for ourselves, for the most part. The pictures are an additional incentive. I know I enjoy looking back at them and I think Craig does as well.

And tumblr, despite calling each person’s stream of postings a blog, does not feel like a blog to me. Here, we write about what we do. This feels much more intimate. But we do post far more pictures on tumblr. If you want more pictures, look there.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

50 Shades of Reality

With 50 Shades of Grey opening wide in theatres February 13, we thought we'd each share our feelings on kink, our D/s dynamic and our BDSM, hopefully demystifying and debunking some of the bullshit found in E.L. James' bestselling books.

To start, I've never read 50 Shades of Grey, but I have read enough about it. I know the basic premise, the vacuous characters, the lack of true research into our scene or the in-depth interviews with real, stable players in the lifestyle.

I am not a multimillionaire. I don't have a fancy office, a helicopter, or a "red room of pain." I make a decent living. I have a cubicle with a treadmill desk. I have a radio controlled helicopter. My "red room of pain" is black and grey and is the Clubhouse (read: private dungeon) I enjoy. Or my bedroom, which also happens to feature black and grey. I don't control every aspect of my life. Some of it I leave to blind luck, fate and the efforts of others.

I do enjoy controlling others, namely those that are in a predetermined submissive relationship with me. The power exchange is hypnotic. I am a sadist. I get off inflicting pain on others, particularly those that are in a predetermined submissive relationship with me.

I love beating, then fucking, said same person or persons.

I know women in the lifestyle who have experienced personal trauma and abuse, but not all of them. I have not experienced any abuse of my own. Personal trauma comes in the form of typical childhood and adult stuff—nothing to turn me into a sadistic beast.

Most of the people I choose to be friends with in the lifestyle aren't crazy, fucked up, abused wrecks. They're twisted, demented fucks, much like me.

Certainly you can argue that any of the stuff we consent to do—spanking, whipping, caning, cropping and mastery, submission, debasing, humiliating and more mind-fuckery—is just that, completely consensual. I don't mess someone up without being there to pick them up again. Any time where that's actually happened in the past I feel really terrible about and try really hard to never do that again.

I love, admire and respect most women.

In my D/s relationships I choose to support, help and better those in my charge.

From what I understand, a lot of the above can't be said from the two-dimensional characters in 50 Shades. Again, I've not read the book. When Lizzie and I were talking about what to write as we approached Valentine's Day I thought it would be interesting to speak about how the reality of our dynamic and how our healthy "co-dependency" is utterly unlike the misogynistic, all-too-vanilla quote-unquote kink presented in 50 Shades.

What's your personal experiences in the lifestyle like? I'm sure your 50 Shades of Reality are quite a bit different than the monotone books or the tone deaf movie.
I have read 50 Shades of Grey, unfortunately. I read the first book, but despite having the rest of the series on my kindle account (because I share the account with my sister, not because I bought them), I haven’t any desire in reading more. There are plenty of places you can read about all the things wrong with the books, so I won’t go into that too much.

I'll only say that I detest modern virginity romances. It's a storyline that doesn't do anything for me. I set my virginity aside when I was 19, with the help of a carefully selected boy who made me laugh. There was no love, no crush, no lust, and no real pain when I walked away. I’ve enjoyed exploring my sexuality and I think it adds to my understanding of who I am and what I want.

This may be our reality, but I am living my fantasy. Our lives may not be the fodder for Harlequin style “wealth porn,” but we have a house in Los Angeles that we’ve made our own. We travel for pleasure quite a bit. Craig has even taken me on a helicopter ride! In Alaska, to walk on a glacier, so he’s beaten Mr. Grey there. But that isn’t really the objectionable part of the book, anyway.

There is no graphic childhood abuse in my past, just the garden variety struggles of growing up. I did have an abusive previous marriage, but it was not related to my kink. I know people in the lifestyle with experiences all along the spectrum, just as I do in my vanilla life.

But the lifestyle didn’t find me - I looked for and found what I wanted. I don’t remember a time when I was not fascinated by spanking. The best sex I had in college was with a boyfriend who would cut off my clothing and tie me up with it. We had rough, sometimes kinky sex without formal negotiation or even really naming it for what it was. We just did what we enjoyed and what worked.

I went in search of the lifestyle. First, I went to spanking parties because I’d learned about them in my early online searches. There, I found people who wanted to do more than spanking, as I did. And I found Craig.

We’ve done formal scene negotiation, mostly through email. We’ve done scene negotiation through story, highlighting the hot parts and nixing the things that didn’t appeal to us. We attend events and classes, to see new things and learn about different approaches.

But mostly, I think, like any healthy relationship - we listen to one another. We care about one another. We try new things to see if they will work to our mutual pleasure.

Our power dynamic is a part of that. I get off on being told what to do. I get pleasure from serving Craig. And I’m a pain slut, of course. Our relationship works because the flip-side of those things appeals to Craig as well.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Three Perfect Scenes

We had some great scenes over the weekend, each unusual in their own way, yet perfect. Here's how they went down:

Friday Night A Paddle Challenge
It was a great weekend. First, we played Friday night. On my way home I texted Lizzie, "Pick three paddles: 1.) Your favorite, 2.) Your most hated, 3.) My favorite. I'll be home soon. Be ready." She was waiting for me, naked.

We went into the bedroom and I had her lie on the bed. I warmed her up with my hand first, then I took the first paddle, the one she loved the most, and began to use it. "Wait. That's not my favorite! I picked the wrong one!" Too bad.

Next, I got the one she claimed was the one that was her most hated. I know she doesn't like this paddle, but at least she can tolerate it. Her truly most hated is a big, long aluminum paddle covered in holes. (Normally I stick that one in a bucket of ice before use.) That paddle is almost a scene killer, so I let it slip that she didn't actually pick it.

I didn't dwell on her most hated. That long, smooth piece of hardwood is a doozy and gets her skin messed up really quickly. Then, my favorite. She certainly got that one right. That custom piece of leather is fantastic.
Before Craig left the office on Friday, he sent me a text instructing me to pick my favorite paddle, his favorite paddle, and a paddle I hated. I was to put these paddles on the bed and be waiting for him.

I pulled out the bag of our most frequently used implements, mostly because this is easier than sorting through the enormous cedar chest of options in our bedroom.

Finding my favorite proved to be a bit more difficult than anticipated. I’m rarely in the position to see the implement being used, so I don’t have a point of reference. Even when Craig does show me a paddle briefly during a scene...well...I’m generally not thinking about memorizing which paddle he’s using, I’ve got other concerns. I took out several options and smacked them against the palm of my left hand, trying to figure out how they would feel. But my palm got numb before I could tell, so I picked a leather paddle at random. Turns out that wasn’t my favorite!

My hated paddle was easy - it’s a lovely wood paddle in a memorable fabric sleeve. Craig’s favorite was easy to pick out as well - he had it made based on a paddle of mine he fell in love with the first time we met.
Saturday Night Visiting
Our friends Michael and Kate were in town and we drove down to visit with them, go to dinner and play. Lizzie really enjoys scenes with Michael and as I spanked Kate we both chuckled and watched from the sofa and Michael had her nearly climbing off the bed at times with a large leather strap he had taken with him. Kate had a beautiful red bottom after I was through with her. We love those two and don't see enough of them, so getting to visit with them was a real treat. A couple of our out-of-town friends were visiting and our schedules finally worked out to get together. I was so excited! We haven’t been to many spanking parties recently, so I’ve been missing all our friends. We’ve made new, local friends, of course, but I miss our spanking party friends. It was a wonderful opportunity to catch up, followed by a lovely scene.
Sunday Morning Pre-Super Bowl Scene
As we prepared for the Super Bowl (homemade nacho cheese sauce? yes, please!), I grabbed a few implements from my stash and brought them into the living room. I started with my hand and a couple of paddles, then moved on to a large London Tanner strap. Lizzie absolutely loves the strap (whether it's my belt or a proper implement) and Ian's strap is thick, heavy and weighted perfectly.

She was sore from the previous two days of play, so she was quick to get a bit jumpy as I smacked her, but as it almost always goes with the strap she was transformed in a matter of minutes. I wrapped up with a thick bamboo cane, really welting her bottom in places until she was in tears.

After that, I bent her over the chair and fucked her hard, then dragged her into the bedroom and did other salacious things to her until she was a messy heap.

So, yeah. Three perfect scenes and a fantastic weekend. As always, even more to come...
Craig wanted me to take a nap before the Super Bowl, but when the time came I “wasn’t tired” (which means, mostly, I didn’t want to settle down and take a nap). Craig decided to solve this problem with a lovely scene.

He used several implements. After his hand (which is my all-time favorite), my favorite was the London Tanner strap. I do love leather belts and straps. And he finished with an evil cane that left some beautiful marks on my thighs.

After our scene, I was ready to take a nap! So that worked out perfectly (and just as Craig had planned; he’s thoughtful like that).

After my nap, we made a ton of homemade snacks - far more than two people should reasonably eat on a Sunday afternoon. But we had a great time snacking and watching commercials.