Thursday, November 21, 2013

The Future of Our Dynamic

We are anticipating some big changes in the next year. Last weekend, we were touring houses (a frequent occupation these days) and we started talking about the future. We decided it would make an interesting topic to write about.

What We Have In Store Changes
Living with two of my kids and a granddaughter is challenging. Not because of all the chaos, activities, constant companions and events that occur, and not simply because we cannot explore our kink at our discretion. Our D/s has deepened over time, the exploration of which has been innate...natural. What Lizzie needs and what I want so enmeshed in our common desires and goals as to be almost unbelievable.

But with such a full house our dynamic is stifled. We have our little things:

When I go upstairs to change out of my business clothes and into my typical t-shirt and gym shorts, Lizzie comes up stairs, kneels outside of my closet and undresses me. It's a powerful moment, every night. It is a power exchange and a show of her service to me. After, as part of our ritual, I take her by the wrists and lift her to standing, kissing her on the forehead and telling her she is a "good girl." I am always touched by the sharp intake of breath I hear when she hears those words.

When we eat, Lizzie will wait until I take the first bite (or if we are having a cocktail or wine, she'll wait until I take the first sip [generally]) as a sign of deference to me.

When we get up on the weekends, she will make my coffee and when it's done dripping into the pot, will pour me a cup and hand it to me with both hands, looking me in the eye and saying, "Here's your coffee, sir."

These things may seem trite to some, but they are a part of our ritual, our dynamic, but are such little things. We want more.
Exploring our dynamic has been a complicated process. Initially, I believe, our dynamic was the combination of who I am (certain aspects of submission and service that come from my personality and the way I was raised) and Craig’s acceptance of me. Over time, we became comfortable with that and sought to enhance and further it.

Our long distance relationship stifled some of those attempts, but it also served to enrich our discussion. We wrote long emails, explored ideas through stories, and talked for hours on the phone. We developed our own vocabulary, as we quickly discovered that neither traditional English nor kink jargon would serve - too many words held different or flexible meanings to allow clear communication.

Craig has described our ritual at home very well. These things may seem silly, but they are surprisingly important.

For the last month, I was in a cam-boot, with strict orders not to put any weight on my right foot. (The doctor was surprised how compliant I had been with these orders. Thank you, Craig...that’s the first time a doctor has referred to me as “compliant”.) During that time, Craig did not want me to worry about our rituals. He wanted to take care of me.

But that didn’t work out. We both missed our quiet time alone when he changed. That is one time, every day, that we focus on our dynamic. We used a modified version - he had to help me down to the floor and back up - but it worked. I couldn’t carry his coffee with my crutches, but I could make it and fill his cup. It worked.
Dynamic in the Future Looking Forward
I'm not talking about Jetsons-style flying machines. Next year, my son heads off to college. My daughter and granddaughter will move out when Lizzie and I move closer to the city to have our own place. It it there and then that our lives will change because we will be closer to my work friends, closer to our lifestyle friends and finally in a place where we can explore our dynamic.

We have most, if not all, of our rituals already planned out. They are expressed in a living document we share and add onto and review. There will be the obvious spankings, bondage, beatings and the like—both alone and with others. We want to add a third person to our lives, to explore our poly leanings. Lizzie is happily bi (or pansexual depending on your definitions) and we want to enjoy another that we can share our experiences with in a caring, loving, D/s relationship more full time than some of the rather part time (or party time) experiences we've had before.

So...a lot of change in the future. A future we contemplate frequently and a future we can wait to experience.
We are quickly approaching another big change in our lives (the first being my move out to California). In addition to the empty nest, we hope to move much closer to Craig’s office. So much closer, that I anticipate an average of three additional hours together every day. (He has an incredible commute.) Imagine having two to three more hours in the day and the freedom to use that time. The possibilities...

I’m not as confident about the rituals we have planned out, though it’s true that they are written into a living document we share. Like the move from Kansas to California, I think our move into town will bring some unexpected changes. None of our most powerful rituals today were decided (or even discussed) before I moved. And those rituals changed again when we moved earlier this year - a short move within the school district. But I am confident in our ability to mold our rituals to fit our new lives.

I look forward to the things Craig mentioned and many more. Time. Freedom. But always, our continued communication and adjustment and fulfillment.


  1. I'd imagine an empty nest could be very nice for many reasons. Hope all goes well with your future move and changes!

    1. Thanks. It'll all come together one way or the other.

    2. Thanks, Lea. We dream about it...

  2. Its a very exciting time for you both and I'm very happy for you both. I think the key to change, good or bad (your changes are good, mine have been bad, for dd anyway ) is communication so just keep talking :-) good luck xx

    1. Thanks, Kiwigirliegirl. Lizzie and I were remarking at dinner last night how we have been living together for 14 months and have not had one real blow-up. We attribute this to good communication...and a little luck.